This is my first article for the newsletter since the death of my son as I have been struggling on what topic to write about and the nagging feeling that I have nothing to offer right now. As I have told Pastor Halverson I do still continue to feel compelled to keep the Health Ministry going in our church. Thus why not write about my struggles as they may help someone else. The biggest question has been how can I live with my grief? Some practical suggestions that I have found are:
1. Rely on friends. We tend to want to be stoic or not want to bother others or make others uncomfortable but if someone is offering to help it may be their way of showing they care. Friends, be aware that the grieving person may not know what they need or want. Try to anticipate needs or just be there.
2. Take care of your health: Grieving can wear you out. Your body needs sufficient rest, exercise and proper nourishment more than ever.
3. Postpone major decisions.
4. Be patient with yourself: Grief often lasts longer than people realize. One scientific study of bereavement explained the grief process as follows: "The bereaved may swing dramatically and swiftly from one feeling state to another, and avoidance of reminders of the deceased may alternate with deliberate cultivation of memories for some period of time."
5. Make allowances for others: Try to be patient with others. Realize that it is awkward for them. Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing.
6. Get back into a regular routine: you may have to push yourself at first to go to work, to go shopping, or take care of other responsibilities but structure will help.
7. Do not be afraid to let go of acute grief: Letting go of your intense grief does not mean that the love of the deceased is diminishing.
8. Do not be unduly anxious. You may find yourself worrying but the Bible counsels to take one day at a time.
These suggestions certainly do not take the grief away but do allow me to continue on without fearing that I am losing my mind. I would like to thank everyone for their support, understanding, and continued prayers through the difficult time.
Part 1 - June 2008
One theme running through the health surveys returned is a need for education on stress management. Dr. Don Colbert is a well known author on stress management based on God’s Word. In his book “Stress Management 101” he writes that there are seven steps to reducing stress. The first one being choose your attitude. According the American Institute of Stress, between 75 and 90 percent of all visits to primary care physicians result from stress related disorders. The first signs of stress tend to be tension headaches, digestive-tract problems, and skin eruptions. Physical symptoms often cause more stress, more disease, more stress and the circle continues.
So what is stress and how does it affect our body? An event triggers your bodies stress response where you interpret, categorize and label the stressor. Your body then takes physical action in response to the stressor releasing hormones to stimulate increased heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. Most stressors also trigger either flight or fight and prepares your for physical activity. The body then goes into resistance stage that slows the physiological changes and returns your body to normal if resistance fails then we get exhausted and disease can begin. When your body’s alarm reaction is triggered repeatedly, this process drains energy and bodily organs begin to break down threatening your health and possible causing chronic disease.
So what can we do? Like everything in life there are no quick or easy fixes. But stress is not so much about events or experiences but how we perceive them and our belief in our ability to change or deal with them. The first step you need to take toward less stress and better health is to reflect upon your own attitudes. You can choose to a great extent how you deal with emotional situations that trigger stress.
Research has shown that the heart sends messages to the brain that appear to be capable of affecting an individual’s behavior. The heart tells your brain, your brain tells your heart, and your will decides to believe, speak, and act. Our heart is often felt to be where God lives within us, so speak to your heart.
Spend a few minutes every day speaking encouraging words to yourself and others around you;
Voice appreciation for what you have, not what you don’t have;
Recall events in your life when you experienced joy, peace, or love;
Acknowledge accomplishments, big and small;
Read aloud the word of God;
Pray “Let God have all your worries and care, for he is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you” (1 Peter 5:7). “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 6-7).
As positive feelings are released, the heart in turn communicates this message of well being to your body through the release of helpful hormones and neurotransmitters. It also has the ability to pull every other body system into its own rhythm. When the heart is at peace or filled with love, it communicates harmony to the entire body. When you experience God’s love and the love of other people, the heart communicates that love to your mind and your entire body, helping you to heal.
Remember in stressful situations or events think: What can I control? What can I influence? What must I just accept? Then: Take action on what you can control or influence, let go of what have to accept. Carla Szklarski Parish Nurse
