This is my first article for the newsletter since the death of my son as I have been struggling on what topic to write about and the nagging feeling that I have nothing to offer right now.  As I have told Pastor Halverson I do still continue to feel compelled to keep the Health Ministry going in our church. Thus why not write about my struggles as they may help someone else.  The biggest question has been how can I live with my grief?  Some practical suggestions that I have found are:

1. Rely on friends.  We tend to want to be stoic or not want to bother others or make others uncomfortable but if someone is offering to help it may be their way of showing they care.  Friends, be aware that the grieving person may not know what they need or want.  Try to anticipate needs or just be there.  

2. Take care of your health: Grieving can wear you out.  Your body needs sufficient rest, exercise and proper nourishment more than ever.   

3.  Postpone major decisions.  

4.  Be patient with yourself: Grief often lasts longer than people realize.  One scientific study of bereavement explained the grief process as follows: "The bereaved may swing dramatically and swiftly from one feeling state to another, and avoidance of reminders of the deceased may alternate with deliberate cultivation of memories for some period of time." 

5.  Make allowances for others: Try to be patient with others.  Realize that it is awkward for them.  Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing. 

6.  Get back into a regular routine: you may have to push yourself at first to go to work, to go shopping, or take care of other responsibilities but structure will help. 

7.  Do not be afraid to let go of acute grief: Letting go of your intense grief does not mean that the love of the deceased is diminishing. 

8.  Do not be unduly anxious.  You may find yourself worrying but the Bible counsels to take one day at a time.

            These suggestions certainly do not take the grief away but do allow me to continue on without fearing that I am losing my mind.  I would like to thank everyone for their support, understanding, and continued prayers through the difficult time. 

Part 3 - August 2008 

As we continue to discuss steps to reducing stress as noted by Dr. Don Colbert in “Stress Management 101” we find that many of the steps focus on our chooses; choosing our attitude, our way of thinking, and the third step choosing to forgive.  This may be one of the most difficult because we believe a person does not deserve to be forgiven, we feel as though by forgiving we are saying that the hurtful act does not matter or that person who hurt me should pay, or that forgiveness requires reconciliation.  Forgiveness does not mean any of these things.   Forgiveness comes solely from your desire to forgive for the sake of forgiving.  Forgiving is trusting God to deal with the offending person, the hurtful situation, and the memories of terrible events and to trust God to heal the wound inside.  

            Forgiveness allows a person to release toxic emotions that can make a person ill both emotionally and physically.  Forgiveness will help heal emotional pain allow you to love and lead to better health.  Failing to forgive will cause suffering to your whole being, mind, body, and spirit, not the person who offended you.  Most people do not even realize that you are upset with them and completely unaware that they have offended you in any way. 

            Forgiveness is a process of admitting that something caused us to be hurt in some way, accepting God’s forgiveness in our lives, releasing the offender to God and asking God to help us and voicing our forgiveness.  It is just as important to forgive ourselves.  We need to take a look at our own lives, and were we have failed, ask for God’s forgiveness.  Once we have done that, we need to truly believe that God has forgiven us.  “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness: (1 John 1:9).

            It is important to choose to live in a state of forgiveness.  We must ask God’s forgiveness daily and to forgive yourself daily and all those who may have harmed ridiculed, persecuted, rejected, criticized, or maligned you.  Ongoing forgiveness keeps damaging emotions from building up and helps maintain your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health.

            Forgiveness is not easy.  It requires an active, intentional act of looking to the future with hope, fully believing, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).  Forgiving someone may be the best gift you give yourself.