This is my first article for the newsletter since the death of my son as I have been struggling on what topic to write about and the nagging feeling that I have nothing to offer right now.  As I have told Pastor Halverson I do still continue to feel compelled to keep the Health Ministry going in our church. Thus why not write about my struggles as they may help someone else.  The biggest question has been how can I live with my grief?  Some practical suggestions that I have found are:

1. Rely on friends.  We tend to want to be stoic or not want to bother others or make others uncomfortable but if someone is offering to help it may be their way of showing they care.  Friends, be aware that the grieving person may not know what they need or want.  Try to anticipate needs or just be there.  

2. Take care of your health: Grieving can wear you out.  Your body needs sufficient rest, exercise and proper nourishment more than ever.   

3.  Postpone major decisions.  

4.  Be patient with yourself: Grief often lasts longer than people realize.  One scientific study of bereavement explained the grief process as follows: "The bereaved may swing dramatically and swiftly from one feeling state to another, and avoidance of reminders of the deceased may alternate with deliberate cultivation of memories for some period of time." 

5.  Make allowances for others: Try to be patient with others.  Realize that it is awkward for them.  Not knowing what to say, they may clumsily say the wrong thing. 

6.  Get back into a regular routine: you may have to push yourself at first to go to work, to go shopping, or take care of other responsibilities but structure will help. 

7.  Do not be afraid to let go of acute grief: Letting go of your intense grief does not mean that the love of the deceased is diminishing. 

8.  Do not be unduly anxious.  You may find yourself worrying but the Bible counsels to take one day at a time.

            These suggestions certainly do not take the grief away but do allow me to continue on without fearing that I am losing my mind.  I would like to thank everyone for their support, understanding, and continued prayers through the difficult time. 

Part 4 - September 2008

Have you ever laughed so hard your side hurt?  If you have, you have also experienced the healing effects of laughter.  Laughter has been found to boost the immune system and reduce dangerous stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol that can act like acid in the body affecting the brain, eventually causing memory loss.  Laughter can also lower blood pressure and those who use humor are less likely to suffer a heart attach than those who don’t.  Laughter helps the functioning of the brain, allowing a person to use both sides of the brain simultaneously and people are more creative in problem solving after they perceive something as humorous. 

            The Bible says, “A happy heart is like good medicine, but a broken spirit drains your strength.” (Prov. 17:22).  So how do we get a “happy heart”?  Start with a smile.  Laughter is infectious but most people can not force a good side splitting belly laugh.  While smiling may not be quite as therapeutic as laughing facial expression are connected to emotional states and can trigger a response in the heart and stimulate specific physiological changes in the body.  You will fell better overall, physically and emotionally just by smiling, even if you don’t feel like it.

            The next step is to choose to be joyful.  If you have been reading the previous articles on stress management you have probably noted a theme, choosing. . Joy is a lifestyle choice much like the diet and exercise decisions we make daily.  It’s sometimes easy to focus on happiness, things that produce pleasure such as gifts, hearing a compliment, visiting an amusement part but these things do not product long lasting joy.  They can sometimes be harmful, inducing an addiction. These things are not truly satisfying and you will always be looking for more.   God has promised all through Scripture that fellowship with him will make us full of joy.  Spiritual and emotional fullness frees us to see his glory, enjoy his good gifts, and praises him for everything. Remember that joy does not flow from situations but from your will and your emotions deep within   In Don Colbert’s book “Stress Management 101” he gives us some ways to restore the joy in our lives. 

1.                  Praise and thank God daily

2.                  Develop a sense of play. Learn to see the worlds as a child does.

3.                  Delight in humorous stories

4.                  Find things you enjoy doing and take time each day to do something that you truly enjoy doing.

5.                  Pursue something that you believe has meaning and values

6.                  Cut out the criticism,, sarcasm, and negative jokes

7.                  Stay married.

8.                  Give joy away.  How pleasant can you make today for yourself and others?